Come back 2016

I’m sorry, 2016, you weren’t so bad.  Can’t we just pretend the last 10 days didn’t happen and go back a year?  🙈 (This is new in Blogger, they finally have emojis……or maybe it is just that I’m using Windows 10 rather than an ancient Mac.  Apparently this is face with look of triumph 😤.  I always thought it was super angry face.  Hmmmmm.)

Right, back to this whole 💩 2017 thing…….

Last….Wednesday?…..maybe Tuesday, yes, Tuesday, my amazing elephant arm seemed to be a little more swollen than it had been.  It does go up and down a little bit, but it seemed worse then it had been for a few days.
On Wednesday evening I noticed a few bumps on the front of my right shoulder.  Being an optimistic sort I thought that perhaps because the general inflammation in my shoulder and around my collar bone had gone down the bumps had always been there but they had been masked by the inflammation.  But, my arm was definitely more swollen than it had been and was beginning to ache and feel very heavy.  Pretty much how it felt in October when my last treatment failed.
On Thursday to get away from it all I spent a lovely afternoon at the movies with my aunt.  We saw Why Him? starring Bryan Cranston of Breaking Bad.  It turned out to be a Christmas movie which I appreciated as I love the Christmas season and I’m always sad when it ends.  In a way it felt a bit like an updated version of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, my all time favourite Christmas movie.  It doesn’t contain the cleanest jokes, but I will admit I laughed so hard at one point I snorted.  And if anyone hears of fully automated Japanese toilets let me know. I really want to get me one.

By Saturday the mobility of my right shoulder had decreased dramatically, the bumps on my shoulder had spread, and my arm was the most swollen it has ever been.  At that point I decided to email my oncologist to give her a heads up.  I had an appointment with a sub oncologist Monday morning but I thought my regular onc would want the warning that it looks like I am already dealing with a failed treatment.
It has been very uncomfortable trying to sleep.  I need to keep it supported or my shoulder pulls in the most awkward way.  I had a CT scan yesterday afternoon on my pelvis, abdomen, and neck.  It had been booked for a while….it was supposed to show how wonderful I was doing on the TDM-1 instead I’m pretty sure it will show progression.  Poo……or should I say 💩
Last night I noticed that any pressure of my right arm against my ribs was unpleasant.  This afternoon I found new lump above my ribs.  I have this feeling that I have a sore throat, I really hope I am not getting a cold that could interfere with my treatment, but it is possible the sensation is from the large lymph node I can now feel right above my collar bone.

This is when I feel obligated to quote my first crush, Johnny Castle.  Mmmmmm……well, my first crush after Maverick (I suppose I could have picked Danger Zone but I haven’t heard the theme song for ages) , and Craig’s grade 5 teacher, Mr. Gilchrist.  Oh and that boy in my grade 2 class at Pebble Hill in Tsawwassen.  I think I might still remember his name but I’m not telling any of you who it was, that would be just a little too mortifying.
And my real first ever crush:

And those uniforms were pretty stellar, too! (For anyone not up on Vancouver Canucks history that is Richard Brodeur, King Richard, the Canucks goalie during the 1982 run for the Cup.)
Ok, now that we have done that little trip down memory lane, back to the point I was making about quoting Johnny Castle 💘  One of the things that MBC patients (or anyone with a terminal disease) have to deal with is how to slot into regular life and make plans like regular people for the future.  Not that we have to slot in anywhere, but as a part of living, and I really like doing that, it is pretty common to make plans for the future…..such as a trip to Australia next January, or a theatre show that won’t be in town until fall while dealing with the reality of possibly being dead in 3 months.  I guess no one really knows when they will go, but people with terminal illnesses generally have shorter life spans than people without terminal illnesses.
I am sure there are lots of quotes from lots of other movies I could use to prove this point but since I have been a Dirty Dancing fan for almost 30 years I’m going with this one…….

                                          Last month I’m eating ju ju beans to stay alive. 
                                          This month, women are stuffing diamonds in my
                                          pockets.  I’m balancing on shit and just like that
                                          I can be down there again.

Not a totally relevant quote but it continues the 💩 theme.

Patrick Swayze died of pancreatic cancer in 2009.  While he was on treatment he filmed one season of a tv show called The Beast.  I don’t remember much about it other than Ian and I both enjoyed watching it.  If you need something to watch it is worth a look.

Tomorrow morning I have a brain MRI then I have an appointment with my oncologist.  We are both expecting me to move to a new treatment.  It really sucks that I burned through a less toxic treatment in less than 2 months.
The next treatment will probably be Capecitabine, a pill form of chemo.  It is odd to think that for the first time in 4 and a half years I won’t be on the chemo ward every 3 weeks.  It does add more flexibility to my life but I will probably miss the place.  There is the possibility that I won’t lose my hair but there is a fairly big risk of hand and foot syndrome that can cause neuropathy, redness, and blistering of my hands and feet.  That doesn’t sound fun, but it would be better than what I’m currently dealing with my arm.

That is all for now.  I’ll be back once I have my life sorted out a bit more.

2 thoughts on “Come back 2016

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